Dating while depressed
Being depressed and having depression are very different. Do not suggest that it's because I "don't exercise enough," or "don't think positively," or "don't drink green juice," or whatever the hell you think might be the cause of my depression. If I'm in a bad place, for instance, my energy levels and sex drive will be low. Not only does it mean I have the energy to do it, but that boost of seratonin and oxytocin will put me in an even better one.7. And being on said medication doesn't mean I'm throwing-mystery-meat-at-the-wall, giving-the-State-of-the-Union-Address-to-a-chair "crazy." 7 out of 10 Americans take prescription drugs, and I am one of them, and let's all juuuust chilllllll. It also doesn't mean I'm "numb." I'm sorry, is Zach Braff a medical professional or an authority on anything at all besides maybe getting away with rich-person Kickstarting his shitty indie movies? Depression isn't ~**~r Om An Ti C~*~*~* or glamorous or an indicator of True Artistic Genius the way some (dumb) movies and/or books will suggest it is. not cleaning your apartment for a month, not doing laundry for two, never washing my hair until bats start nesting in it, and crying a lot.11.
Specifically, the difference between "My boss yelled at me at work today, ugh" and "My brain is an imbalanced chemical cocktail poorly mixed by a bartender-in-training."2. A goddamn spiritual pep talk about why a legit mental condition I have is basically my fault because I don't bow and murmur "Namaste" to the mouse that lives under my fridge in the winter every night before bed is not gonna get you laid. You have one (1) free pass to make that mistake early in our relationship, but that's it. In the winter, for instance, there will be very little sex unless you're cool with me just lying in the fetal position and doing it in the harsh glow of a therapy lamp. I can't always explain why I feel how I feel, so talking through the feelings like a normal couple might is sometimes twice as frustrating. If I am trying various medications, I might seem weird for a couple weeks, but it's just a phase until I find the right one. If you stick with me through the low points, I'll be the best and most loyal girlfriend you've ever had. I'll be like the golden retriever of girlfriends.14.
Assume also that you had had this condition your entire adult life and did not expect to get better any time soon–unless there was a significant breakthrough in the field of antidepressants or therapy techniques. How would you find a partner who would accept that you were not healthy and could not have a job or “contribute” to society, but could still love you for you?
To do this, be sure to engage in positive self-talk, Friedman says.
Every time I raise this issue in the therapist’s office, it gets dismissed. I’m really interested in getting your opinion on this whole complex issue. And not in some sort of vague, quasi-sympathetic way either.
I’ve never seen this issue addressed in a way that’s been helpful to me. I had trouble with anxiety in my early 20’s and depression in my late 20’s, so I know what it’s like to attempt to function with that black cloud hanging over your head at all times.
And when I try to explain that to you, you might get mad at me because it seems like I'm minimizing your feelings. If you continue to insist that the answer to my lifelong genetic mental disorder is Soul Cycle, don't let the door hit you on the way out, k? It's sort of a combination of dating and playing Russian Roulette with my brain juice. You don't have to read my mind — you just have to take cues. If I ask you to please go get me an iced coffee and a tuna melt and don't yell at me for eating in bed, please do that, if you're not busy. But you should still feel as lucky — (#blessed), if you will — to have me as I do to have you.
" It's more like, "I basically feel awful about everything right now no matter what I do, and there's no external cause that's causing it, therefore, let me sleep."8. It doesn't work for everyone, but it does for lots of people.9.